With patience and good preparation - how to successfully return from development service with your family

Returning from development service is not just a geographical change of location, but also an emotional journey. The move often entails a great deal of organizational and family issues. In addition, many development and peace workers have established a new home during their time abroad, have built relationships and a daily life. Now the return is coming up. Feelings such as the pain of parting, worry and uncertainty accompany this process. Many questions arise: Will I settle back in after such a long time? How will I find accommodation and a job? How can I incorporate my new perspectives into my everyday life? And also: How will the children cope with our return?

The most common challenges

• Reverse culture shock: After many years in a completely different environment and context, returning home can feel like a new culture shock. The values, social structures and life in the home country may seem strange. Uncertainty, frustration or loneliness can be the result. Some studies even indicate that reintegration in the home country is more difficult than integration abroad. One possible reason for this is that most people carefully consider the new context before leaving the country. When they return to their home country with supposedly well-known structures, they neglect this part of transition.
• Professional integration: If skilled workers have worked in a completely different field during their time in development service or if they themselves have changed a great deal as a result of their assignment abroad, reintegration into the world of work can be difficult. Sometimes the return is associated with the need to completely reorient themselves - both professionally and personally.
• A bag full of emotions: Returning from a development service is not only a change of location, but often also a loss of friends and caregivers with whom time and experiences have been shared. Leaving behind close social networks and returning to existing (but changed) relationships at home can be emotionally stressful.
   

Returning from development service is not just the end of an employment contract, but a holistic process for the whole family. Parents' career decisions are often not easy for children to understand. For them, the move means that they not only have to deal with the new environment and language, but also with the loss of friends, familiar caregivers and places. This process varies depending on the age of the child. Young children may find it easier than primary school children or teenagers. How can parents accompany and support their children here?

Preparing for the change of location

• Provide information early on: Preparing children for a move is essential. The earlier parents discuss the change of location, the easier it will be for children to accept the process of change. Build on existing connections to the country of return: People such as family or old friends who are looking forward to welcoming the returnees. Places that the children still remember. New opportunities and freedoms that may not have existed during their time abroad.
• Provide emotional support: Children may react to changes with feelings of sadness, anger or fear. Show understanding for their emotions and give them time to adjust. Be open with your own feelings too: Sometimes it helps if the children hear that the parents are unsure and excited, too - but also looking forward to the new chapter that lies ahead.
• Take time to say goodbye: Plan enough time to say goodbye to the foreign country. Visit places you have grown fond of, talk about special experiences and meet the people your family has grown to love during your time in development service. And don't forget: Your farewell is different from that of your children. The children are leaving an environment that is currently more familiar to them than their parents' home. Ask your children: How do you imagine saying goodbye? How do you want to organize it?
• Preserve memories: It can be helpful to talk to your child about old friends and life abroad. Photo books, letters or digital communication options help to keep in touch.
   

Changing schools or kindergarten after an assignment abroad can be associated with many challenges. Different teaching methods, new curricula and integration into a new class community require flexibility and patience from children and parents.

Building new relationships

• Early contact: Contact the new school or kindergarten at an early stage. This will allow you to find out about the school year, the curriculum and the subjects on offer. Try to contact teachers to get support at an early stage. Dialogue is particularly important for children who may have different perspectives or learning habits due to their experiences abroad.
• Integration into the community: Schools and daycare centers can offer special programs for children from abroad to make it easier for them to settle in. Ask specifically for support, for example in promoting language skills or integration into the classroom community.
• Build new relationships: After returning home, support your child in making new friends beyond kindergarten and school, for example through hobbies, sports clubs or language courses. Talking to other children who have had similar experiences can be very helpful here. Many sending organizations offer network meetings for former professionals, sometimes even specifically for families. 
   

A change of environment also brings new linguistic challenges. Especially if children have learned a foreign language abroad, returning home and the need to speak the home language again can lead to uncertainty.

Room for all languages

• Integrate language: If your child has learned a foreign language abroad, you should create opportunities to continue using this language. Regular contact with friends or family members from abroad and attending language courses or groups can help.
• Promote the new language: Encourage the language spoken in the country of return through conversations, reading aloud and playful learning methods. Give your child the opportunity to find their way around the new environment both linguistically and culturally.
   

Children who grow up in different cultures during their childhood, so-called “third culture kids”, often have a special perspective on the world. They build their identity by belonging to different countries and are therefore often perceived as very open and adaptable - like cultural chameleons. At the same time, this experience makes Third Culture Kids feel different from their peers who may have spent their lives in one place. In binational families, this experience is sometimes particularly pronounced because they retain their multilingualism and multiple affiliations even after returning home.

Cultural chameleons

• Appreciate experiences: If children have lived abroad for a long time or are growing up in a binational family, it is particularly important that there is sufficient space for their experiences. Many kids don’t want to stand out in their peer group, but seek to fit in as unobtrusively as possible. As parents, you can also encourage them that diversity is something special. Seek contact with local networks and people with similar experiences where you can exchange ideas.
• Choose your place of residence wisely: From a big city in Kenya to a village in Brandenburg? This can be a real challenge and a difficult confrontation with structural racism, especially for accompanying partners from abroad. Integration into the labor market is also particularly difficult for them. So choose your new place of residence carefully: Should it be your home village or a city with an international community and greater openness? Be realistic - and listen to your gut at the same time.

You can find an interview (in German) on the topic of Third Culture Kids here.